Editing Feedback wanted

Even so, even with practice and acclimation, she could tell from fifty feet away that the stench was worse today, ranker, like old corpses marinated in goat waste. The news had reached here, then: the Bitrani’s final, bloody, suicidal, nearly-effective attack on Cālenta’s northern border had failed. The surrender had been signed. Now all that was left was the messy job of sweeping up the pieces, and every prisoner knew that they were one of the pieces to be swept. With the Bitrani forces routed, they were an unnecessary bargaining chip. Rin pursed her lips. She’d done what she could for them; now they – all but one of them- would be in different hands.

Is the bold/italic’d line necessary, or does it work without it?

This entry was originally posted at http://aldersprig.dreamwidth.org/570961.html. You can comment here or there.

0 thoughts on “Editing Feedback wanted

  1. I don’t think it’s necessary. It’s not unreasonable if you want to emphasize their status, but given where the rest of the story is going, I think the last line is more important.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *