Content warning: a great deal of discussion of body modification, including some described. 

So I was talking to regarding their new tongue-split modification.  They said some stuff and I said some stuff and then we were talking about how great the tongue is and, ahem. 

The green-haired person in this story is not meant to be @Root; they are simply a person who had a similar idea. 

Also: Tír na Cali setting, but the only setting warning required is that mentioned above.


“I want my whole body to be a tongue muscle.”

The person in front of Senne had green hair – very green, very well done – three piercings, two tattoos, and an energy like they were going to vibrate out of the room from excitement any moment now.

They stuck their tongue out for display.  It had been split – a very good job, as professional as the hair.  “This is amazing. This muscle.  It’s that good.  It heals up in no time, it adapts to the split-”  They did something complicated that involved curling their tongue – Senne was duly impressed – and grinned widely and without apparent artifice.

“Tongues are amazing,” Senne agreed. “They are an amazingly robust -”

“And strong!”

“-And strong muscle.  Here, have a seat.”  Senne poured two glasses of water and took a seat in front of the wide desk, leaving a second comfortable seat there for the would-be patient.  “But the tongue is also covered in sensory organs, you know.  And in terms of the sort of muscle it is – it would be rather like being made out of tentacles.”

“But the tongue heals so fast!  And it’s so versatile!”

“And even if I give you tongue-style muscles all over without the sensory organs, you are going to be moving in strange ways that nobody will be able to figure out – which may, granted, be a bonus.  However, I have to warn you: two of the reasons your tongue heals so quickly have to do with it being in your mouth – the environment, the saliva, the blood flow – and not with the specific muscle per se.”

What had Senne’s life come to?  It was that  mod job, it had to be.  The one with the little spines up and down their back.  That had to be how Senne had gone from pretty simple cosmetic procedures to – well, this.

“Look, I can pay.  And you can reverse it?”

“I can reverse it, but the recordkeeping for that is, of course, an additional price.”

“Then I want to try it.  Maybe just my limbs?”  The green-haired person gave Senne a sweet look, hopeful, as if that was going to help.

Senne  barely resisted an eyeroll.  “Here are the legal forms.”  The pile, always waiting on the desk, was a good half-inch thick.  About a quarter of it was boilerplate put in solely to make the pile look intimidating.  Three pages were lorem ipsum text with a note at the top telling the reader not to sign and return them. “Once you’ve gotten those signed and we’ve agreed on a rate and a method of payment, we can get to work.  It should take four sessions over the course of a month.”

“But it’s magic-”

“Yes.  And it’s altering your body in a new and experimental manner.”  Maybe the place that did animal-people mods still needed another cosmetic witch.  Maybe the Agency did, and Senne could spend a couple years seven floors down in a secure bunker.

“I guess there’ll be an upcharge for that, too?”

“Well, there is the harm waiver, that’s page three.  And there’s the New Work fee, that’s page 7.  All in all, it’s going to cost you as much as replacing the muscles in all your limbs ought to cost.”  Senne, it seemed, was smiling.

There were definitely benefits to this sort of work.

“In addition,” Senne continued slowly, “since this is new work, and it was your idea, if I end up publishing, I will give you credit, and I may either pay you for photos or give you a discount on future work.”  Senne gestured at the green hair.  “After all, that sort of thing grows out.”

“Oh, yeah.  No, I was thinking if this worked out, well, you said tentacles, yeah? And-” the gesture aiming between their legs was clear.

Senne started laughing.  What else could you do?

“There’s a charge for that, too.”


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