Bilge Rats and Puppets… Chapter One (a Fanfiction)

Okay, so hang on with me for a moment. 

Once Upon a Time is a Disney TV show which places many of the Disney fairy tale characters in a town in our world called Storybrook.

Within that TV show, there is a canonical alternate universe (AU) written by a bad Author in which the good guys are evil and the evil guys are good and Captain Hook is a (Cowardly) deckhand. 

(See here for a gifset of this actor, just so you can get a mental picture.)

So! There is an incomplete fanfiction here which takes a twist on THAT AU, i.e., our heroes don’t get out of that AU.  (I consider that not to be a spoiler because this is, after all, a Disney story).

And I really, really, really liked this story, but it’s incomplete and it’s not been written on since 2017.

With me so far?

So this is a continuation-fanfiction of that fanfiction. 

Hey, this isn’t that bad.  Wait ’till you get to the AU of the AU of this story I started writing!

Content warnings for this story: Torture, dubious and non-consensual elements, mind control (canon-typical; in OUAT if you hold someone’s heart (which looks like a big red stone) you control their actions) Emotional/Psychological Abuse.  On the other hand, I go to fluff, I think, a lot faster than the original story was going to. 

This will work better if you’ve read the original fic, but here’s a summary:


Deckhand!Hook is a prisoner in the dungeons of Evil!Snow’s castle. Snow has been sending Charming down to the dungeons to shave Hook, and has also had him torture Hook in reward for a kiss (and more). Charming has been struggling with jealousy over Snow’s attentions to Hook (sexual and violent) and has also been struggling with guilt over his guilt-born reactions.


Oh, and see Evil(ish) Charming here. And here’s a little video clip which includes Evil Snow.

With half as much introduction as fic now… here’s the first chapter of Bilge Rats and Pirates.

“You must get tired of walking all the way to the dungeon to shave our little pirate,” Snow cooed.

Charming fought his reactions. The tone never did anything good for him, never meant anything at all good, but some part of him still perked up like she might show some actual concern, some actual affection.

The mad woman’s stories of a better world were more likely than that, but stories didn’t tug at the spot where he’d once had a heart or tug at his groin the way Snow’s voice, certain tones from Snow, did.

“It’s no trouble at all, my Queen,” he assured her. He’d be walking down to the dungeons anyway, of course. The guards down there tended to settle into the least amount of work they could get away with, which meant, without his prodding, their prisoners would be left to starve, to rot, to fester in their own waste.

That’s not what Charming wanted his dungeon’s – Snow’s dungeons – to be like.

“But you do a better job on him than the guards do,” she clucked. “Why, when I had them bring him up here yesterday-“

Yesterday? As Snow had to have known he would, Charming had to suppress a stab of jealousy. She hadn’t called on him yesterday. What had she needed a pirate, a dirty dungeon pirate, for?

But she was still talking. He had to pay attention to her, pay close attention to her.

“They did a horrible job of bathing him, of shaving him. He was a mess. Let me tell you, I think they just tossed a cold bucket of water over him and called it good. You, Charming. You know what I want.” She rested her hand on his bicep.

Yes, yes I do. He didn’t say it. He didn’t even think it too loudly. I know what you want. Just let me give it to you, Snow.

“You know how I want him.”

He did not growl. He was not unwise enough to growl at his queen.

But fighting the urge, fighting the jealousy boiling inside of him, was taking all of his energy, all of his attention. It kept him from saying anything else in argument – but unfortunately, it kept him from saying anything in agreement, either.

The knife was at his throat before he noticed it. There was another one at his groin. “This is where you say yes, my Queen,” she reminded him.

He was fairly certain he was in more danger from the lower knife than the first. Fairly. Snow would rather humiliate him, embarrass him, than have him dead.

“Yes, my Queen.” The way the knife was positioned, just speaking drew a drop of blood. It trickled down his neck as he watched her lips, not daring to watch her face. “Yes. I know what you want.”

The knife had just backed off enough that when he swallowed, it didn’t draw blood again. “I will do as you want, of course, my Queen. And as you desire.”

“Very good.” The knives were gone. For now. Snow smiled at him, the smile that said, for the moment, she was pleased with him. “I’ve had a craftsman install the appropriate bolts in your chambers. The guards will have brought him up by now. He will stay there, where you can watch him. Where you can attend to him, so that he is as I want him.”

He’d gone too far already today. He didn’t dare protest.  

Keeping his gaze down, he bowed deeply. “As you wish. Always, as you desire, my Queen.”

His chambers. How was he going to live with that pirate in his chambers? No privacy, not a moment to not think about what that rat was doing to Snow when he wasn’t around, what Snow was doing to him. No peace at all. Was Snow trying to drive him insane?

Had she already driven him insane?  He was starting to think that she had.


Chapter 2.

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