Rin & Girey…. adrift

Guys, I don’t know what to write next in Rin/Girey. I know that there should be more story on their trip, but I’m just not sure WHAT.


This entry was originally posted at http://aldersprig.dreamwidth.org/137211.html. You can comment here or there.

30 thoughts on “Rin & Girey…. adrift

    • *checks* Yep! Something between Relics and in Context. Something between Tea time and Heroics Something else in Ossulund Going into the City. and meeting someone else / using Rin’s power.

    • between “Talking to the Children” and “In Context.” it takes 7×4 days to get there, more or less Between “Furlough” and “Baths.” and probably between “Pause” and “View-point.” After View-point it’s a straight shot into Lannamer.

      • Is there anything that needs to happen in any of those gaps? Are there any changes between the stories that you need to explain?

        • Brainstorming then – any rivers to cross; badly signposted forks in the road; recent major road damage forcing a detour or small delay; a town or village that wants to persuade the healer to settle down in their community (she already has her own firewood chopper); guest at someone’s festival or wedding or something; running into another officer who thinks he/sh can order Rin around… I’m ether spreading these out for display so you can see if anything takes your fancy or throwing them up in the air for a version of 52 pickup…

  1. Does it read smoothly from story to story? Are there any unacceptably long gaps in the timeline? I’d be more interested in seeing the plot move forward. Politics, assassins, meeting Rin’s family …

    • True, even if there’s spaces of a few weeks, the question is whether anything happened in those weeks. If nothing interesting then may as well skip it with, “A month later…” Yeah, I’m interested in seeing the reaction to that kiss.

        • What do you think it’s missing? Is there a gap in the emotional development? Somewhere they ought to see along the way? Someone they need to’ve met before reaching the capital? Awkward social ritual to observe? Another history lesson that needs to be snuck in?

          • Just an example of them getting closer? Or him becoming less ‘difficult’? Or Girey doing something or displaying some qulaity that might help explain or develop her interest…

            • Or Girey doing something or displaying some qulaity that might help explain or develop her interest… That. We’re watching his interest grow, in part out of self-interest/desperation. But what about hers?

              • Yeah, she needs some contemplation of him. Chances to look at him. Something after he rescues her from the bear. And her view of his reactions to her friends would be good. Give him chances to show his best side.

              • How pragmatic is her (initial?) interest? She’s likely expected to marry and/or have children at some point. I imagine she’s supposed to pick someone from a noble family (E– not doing so seems to be surprising to shocking?) In picking a foreigner without local contacts, she’s at least starting off with someone who doesn’t already have conflicting political ties and a multitude of relatives and others in her home kingdom with influence over him, and it’s perhaps easier to trust that his keeping his word & so forth reflects his character rather than ulterior motives.

                • Her initial interest was very pragmatic, but I’m not sure she really started thinking of him as a potential spouse (instead of a potential source of information) until about halfway through the trip.

                  • She seems to be telling him more than she’s prying out of him, though I suppose that could be a long-term plan to get him to relax and talk more. What, to you, prompted her change of mind/heart about his potential? Do you think that comes across well in the stories? Which ones?

                    • That may be what’s missing. There are hints of it in a couple different stories (Heroics, Enemy), but not a turning point.

                    • I’ve read Enemy but not Heroics. Enemy does a solid job of showing that Girey will keep his word and will be clear on what exactly he is giving his word to do. While far from everything one needs for a good relationship, that’s a start on trust and communication, which are pretty critical. What’s Rin looking for in a potential husband, consort, or lover, in general?

                    • That’s a good question. Intelligence. She starts out thinking of Girey as a glorified pretty-boy; her country’s myth of the Bitrani is that they’re things. Strength, skill. He’s showing strength, she’s always know that was there. Her people value skill quite a bit. She wants to be able to trust and get along with a spouse. That’s a bit harder to find.

                    • And the Bitrani think that women are useless pretty things, so they’re starting off with fairly evenly matched poor impressions on that front. 🙂 Is she looking for someone who can hold his own, or at least back her up competently, in court politics? Or does she think she can continue to be Rin and far from the court at least most of the time? What would she like in a spouse that Girey can’t do/be, or is going to have difficulty with? Do they have sufficiently compatable priorities?

                    • Hunh, you know, I’m not sure I’ve really thought about his priorities much… O_O That’s a really good question.

                    • I doubt he’s gotten them all sorted out again since his country ceased to exist, but he might like to before this “they could get married!” plot sneaks up on him. 🙂 Perhaps a better question would be, what were his priorities before the war?

                    • Very good question! I think he was a bit young and unfinished as a person, but he had vague feelings of do-good-for-the-people combined with a lot of when-*I’m*-king! Then there was the war, and there was a lot of Win This War and some more pensive when-I’m-King. Maybe thought about a war bride from Callenia, as much as he thinks in those terms now. Be a good ruler, Change Things

                    • So how plausible would it be to sell him on being the, err, junior partner in a political marriage where, as a high-visibility Bitrani, he has a decent bit of opportunity to make things less miserable for the defeated Bitrani? While Callenia, at least as portrayed by Rin, seems to be claiming the moral high ground in this war, the Bitrani are visibly different, and there are probably a lot of people in Callenia who are not happy with them right now and might take it out on them. Does Girey have the vision/foresight to see such a possible path unprompted, and sell it to Rin? So far his interactions with other Bithrani post-war have been pretty poor — the deserter/”scout” he helped Rin take down, and the captured woman he pretended not to know. Could another opportunity to interact with other Bitrani prisoners and perhaps try to improve their situation(s) give him occasion to think over his possible paths and possibly present himself as more of a prospective diplomat to Rin? (Re-reading the first section … she puts diplomacy and breeding out there right away, my goodness.)

                    • Still deciding whether I’m going to rewrite/ditch the first story; it was written long ago and, as it says, entirely ot be self-indulgent.

                    • Rewrite if you want — what don’t you like about it? — but I think that part of the story needs to be there, to anchor Rin as a good guy with her concern about the other prisoners, and with the wide range of concerns related to Girey (not all on his behalf) that she shows.

                    • Sure, every story could always use another polishing pass, especially in the author’s eyes. 🙂

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