It was a good question. It was also a very polite – and Bitrani-indirect – way of asking “what will happen to us?”

1,713 words edited/rewritten (12,126 total)

12,925 to go.

This part is the beginning, so it’s mostly just tightening up and re-writing bits, not any actual writing, per se. Zoom!

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Just as importantly, he allowed himself to be led as docilely as if on a lead, through one row of tents, and another, until he was ducking through the entrance of her small tent.

It was no bigger and no more grand, than any other junior officer’s tent, but it was private. Its position was too close to the latrines and too far from the mess tent, but the awkward placing offered a little more discretion for the conversation they were going to have.

^^^
That word. Discretion. It’s not the right one, I don’t think. Help?

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Even so, even with practice and acclimation, she could tell from fifty feet away that the stench was worse today, ranker, like old corpses marinated in goat waste. The news had reached here, then: the Bitrani’s final, bloody, suicidal, nearly-effective attack on Cālenta’s northern border had failed. The surrender had been signed. Now all that was left was the messy job of sweeping up the pieces, and every prisoner knew that they were one of the pieces to be swept. With the Bitrani forces routed, they were an unnecessary bargaining chip. Rin pursed her lips. She’d done what she could for them; now they – all but one of them- would be in different hands.

Is the bold/italic’d line necessary, or does it work without it?

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It is my desire to re-re-write the Rin/Girey story with a coherent Outline.

So far I have:

Beginning: Rin takes Girey from the Camp

(Middle: long road to Lannamer. Things happen)

End: Something happens in the castle.

For those of you that are Rin/Girey readers, what are key points and what is it missing? What could be left out?

Cheers,

Lyn

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